it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
