We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
