If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
