yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
