Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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