Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
