my mouth tastes like poor choices
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
