My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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