I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
