worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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