I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
