so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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