You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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