I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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