ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
