I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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