small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
