I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
