There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
