I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize