I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
