I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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