Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The beer is more important than you right now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
