Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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