Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
