Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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