i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
