So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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