paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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