I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
