dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
