Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
