you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
