Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
