your parents love me but you hate me
Buhtt sex?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
