Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
