can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
