I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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