I just made out with a guy for $7.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
