Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
