Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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