How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
