Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
