All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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