Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
