between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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