I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
