Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How does one acquire holy water?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
