definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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