i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
