What a fucking waste of an outfit
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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