You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
