my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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