Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Green mimosas i think yes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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