I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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