I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
